Self Announced Pity Party Day!

Today is not a good day. It's dreary outside, my apartment is a mess, I feel disrespected, taken for granted, and stagnant. That's honestly how I feel. Today I let a stranger make me so upset I cried at work. Me, Ryan...the emotionally detached one, cried at work. I usually only cry 3 times a year and I'm upset that I wasted a perfectly good cry over a jack ass I'll never meet. But still, he made me cry.

To be fair it was a combination of things. Anyone who really knows me knows that I'm not an overly emotional person. Some would say I'm cold. Its not that, its just that very few things get me into this sort of state. I especially hate crying in front of people. I feel weak and stupid which in turn makes me feel vulnerable (another feeling I don't like). I was perfectly fine/bordering on losing it in the middle of my office building while speaking to my father on the phone. He of course could hear something wrong in my voice and made the mistake of asking me what was wrong. That's when the water works really started. You know the kind of crying where you can't even get out a full sentence? Yeah that was me...in the middle of my office building, surrounded by strangers who kept looking at me curiously.

It's just terrible to feel like a virtual punching bag day in and day out and its not in my nature to be disrespected by anyone, certainly not a stranger, and take it. Crying makes my feel a sense of shame about what I'm doing. Mainly because I've bought wholeheartedly into this idea of myself as an emotionally untouchable woman and, to a certain degree I am, but I am also really sensitive. A fact I hate to admit but, as I expressed in my last blog entry, honesty for me is extremely important even if it makes me uncomfortable. When I cry I feel this wave of self disappointment wash over me for allowing someone or thing to bring me down. I especially hate the left behind evidence of an emotional break down. For example I stopped crying a good 10 minutes ago and my face is still all red and puffy. So today I'm not leaving you with any recipes. Sorry I'm just not up to it.

The good news is that out of concern for my mental well-being my father offered to buy me dinner tonight (I swear I've never met a better man then this guy...do they even make them anymore? Seriously!) and I asked my friend Danny to tag along. She agreed. Like me she is a budding foodie, great cook, and emotionally aloof.

We're heading to the Buddha Bar on Massachusetts Ave after work. I've been to this place before but I went to the one in Paris for my 21st birthday. Remind me to tell you that story one day. It was an amazing experience. Anyway we're going to try it out tonight and Danny, being the great friend she is, is going to participate in my alcohol fueled mini-pity party. Don't judge...its been a rough day. Here is the link for Buddha Bar http://www.buddhabardc.com/. I'll let you all know how it goes.